How to shoplift on the self serve:

Not nearly as funny as that post I wrote about buying condoms on self-serve, but hell, this is advice we all need.

1. The real basics: shopping centres have cops in the carparks these days, and fat security guards that probably aren’t that smart but definitely bigger than you. Pick a busy day, don’t look shifty, etc. As much as I’d prefer not to judge, being an old woman is your easiest disguise (Ruth gave good advice in Six Feet Under). You also need props: other shopping bags to put the things you’re stealing, a few cheap items you buy to get through the registers (a coke, chocolate bar, the newspaper etc) and maybe an accomplice.

2. Choose your prize. This means ruling out all items that attract attention (big things like TV’s DUH unless its Boxing Day cos apparently five or so got stolen through self serve last year LOLZ). The trick is to avoid anything with a magnetic barcode: expensive underwear (is the barcode thick? A bit silvery? If it is, rip the sticker off, the barcode is magnetic and will beep), doona covers/sheets, cosmetics (foundation/creams etc), apple accessories (commonly stolen). Of course, stealing anything with these codes is do-able, you just have to find yourself a nice corner that isn’t monitored by the TVs. And no staff members around. Things without magnetic barcodes: most clothing, appliances (check though), cds, jewellery, any packaged food items (not to be sniffed at, Lindt chocolates are not cheap!), books…most things really.

3. Step 2 is about choosing wisely to avoid detection once you’ve stolen the item, but you do have to make it past the self-serve machine. Usually when you first start scanning there is an option for ‘own bag’…what this does is re-set the weight of the machine, allowing you to put as much shit on it as you like. For instance, if you rock up with a ‘green bag’ you can dump a bunch of things you’ve stolen and say you bought them somewhere else. If you try and place what you want to steal in the bagging area without scanning THE MACHINE WILL DETECT YOU AND HAVE A MELTDOWN BECAUSE IT RECOGNIZES AN UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA. Don’t don’t do it, folks.

What to do: hide the item in another bag. Or, if its too big, the next best option is to work in pairs. Have a friend use another one of the machines at the same time as you, and this friend will have to pretend to buy ridiculous things like 10 slabs of coke or nappies or washing detergent - anything big that causes weight problems on the machines will do. Your friend will not have to buy anything - they just have to get so pissed off and say they’ll ’go to a normal register’ and then walk out, plenty of people do this. You will leave the item/s you want to steal on the side unscanned, and then while your friend is arguing with the attendant, walk out without paying. Make sure another customer/staff member isn’t watching you either, but that’s usually not a problem because everyone is too busy yelling at their own self-serve machine to notice.

4. Get the fuck out of the shopping centre IMMEDIATELY. Park your car close. We have security cameras on the self-serve machines now (though they’re not really monitored), and we have plain-clothed security people running all over. If you’re smart enough to steal something, you should be smart enough to know this.

My love affair with the trumpet

In grade 4 I started to play the trumpet. Originally I wanted to play the clarinet, but, because I only have seven fingers (and two thumbs!) I couldn't. So, the music teacher at our primary school suggested the trumpet, because to play the trumpet you use three fingers on your right hand and that's it. At the time my mother was of the opinion that "oh well maybe you just shouldn't learn an instrument" but the music teacher at school basically sold the idea to me and I had a few lessons. I loved it, and my parents bought me a cheap Yamaha trumpet to last a few more years (It was mine! All mine! With a new mouthpiece! And a music stand! And a cleaning kit! It was so exciting at the time...)


High school: continued with lessons. Apparently I'd learned some 'bad habits' and I had to start afresh again, but whatever. It was fun. I joined the Year 7-9 Symphonic Orchestra and soon after the Stage Band. About 3 of 5 lunchtimes per week were taken up my Brass Ensemble/lessons/Symphonic Winds rehearsals and so on. The symphonic orchestra was less fun for brass instruments...we were usually the naughty kids at the back passing Natural Confectionary lollies to each other and making fun of the fat kids who for some reason always played the flute. Often our (celiac, vegetarian and well liked by all) brass teacher would advocate for a brass tutorial because it was 'boring as shit' when the saxophones stuffed up so much.

IN YEAR NINE I GOT A BACH TR200 it was amazing. My mother actually liked the trumpet by then, apart from when I practiced the scales (the number of times I played Dos Gardienias just to please my mother is embarrassing). My sudden appreciation for live jazz music fueled my mother's interest in jazz (What are you talking about Elizabeth? I've been listening to PBS on Saturday mornings for years, I'm going to subscribe this year...) and we've been to about twenty Cat Empire concerts since (how Melbourne of us). Ros Irwin gave us a tutorial once, subsquently my mother told everyone she knew. We played at Dizzy's before it moved, we went to Mount Gambia Jazz Festival and saw James Morrison play, and IT WAS ALL GOOD FUN. My high-school music teacher's husband was in the Navy Band and so we had their band came to the 'Big Band Night' and MY DAD EVEN STAYED FOR THE WHOLE THING (OMG).

Year 12: The trombone player and I were Co-Captains of the Stage Band. This involved ocassionally deciding which pieces we were to play at various performances and more often finding band members that were trying to wag lunchtime rehearsals. We got a badge on our blazer! And music colours! The stuck-up boys at Brighton Grammar totally envied how laid-back and awesome we were. We got to play Birdland and Norah Jones covers and WE HAD A SINGER AND THEY DIDN'T and we were just so much more awesome in so many ways. I was sad to see my school-band life goodbye, but it wasn't the end of the world...my music teacher and I are now Facebook friends and she's created a Facebook group for us all. She posts highly entertaining status updates for a woman in her early 40's, too including: "feeling fantastic after 40 vodkas"...gotta love having ex-teachers on Facebook.

Five years later: Haven't played much trumpet since. There was a brief flirtation with an RMIT band in First Year, Second Semester, but it was a long way into the city and we didn't play much. Plus, it was mainly mature-aged students and then me. I FEEL SO SAD THAT I DON'T PLAY THE TRUMPET ANYMORE. The case is still in the corner of my room.

I mean come on.

This is just fucking ridiculous.

Baillieu you're a dick. Metlink are a pack of cunts.

picture & youtube post.

I've been taking out my camera a lil' to take a few pictures, mostly for the benefit of tumblr. But anyway, a few are worth putting here.

1. The Apple & Walnut Scroll. Love of my life, I swear.


2. The collection of books I've hoarded & yet to read. There's 19 books in total:



3. Another Big W complaint: "I hate it when customers put their debit/credit/other card in their mouth, and then proceed to hand it to you to swipe the EFTPOS machine. I’m gonna go all Summer Roberts and say: eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww. No wonder I’ve got sick more than ever in the last four years I’ve been a checkout chick."

4. Q-Tip "The Renaissance" is my new favourite chilled R & B/"jazz rap" cd. I've been a few of A Tribe Called Quest for years, so why has it taken me ages to get into Q-Tip's solo stuff?(really on this cd as yet). Oh, and don't worry, I'm still quite attached to D'Angelo, he even features on track 11, yay!



5. Lessons in life from my Leadership in Social Work & Human Services course



Reference: Cashman, K. (2008), Leadership from the inside out: Becoming a leader for life, 2nd edn, Berrett-Koehler Publications, San Francisco…

***and by doing a google search, it seems that you too can read the chapter I read here

R.I.P pages on Facebook? Really?

What is the deal with these teenagers that create 'R.I.P _______' pages on Facebook? Having worked with a number of kids that are barely out of highschool, a number of these pages have popped up in my newsfeed. Only out of boredom, I've clicked on the link only to find that the page has gained over 200 fans in fifteen minutes. If you're bored enough to read the wall posts (I am), it just gets scarier:

"OMG! I neva new u but I think u were in my sisters year level or sumthing? this is so sad. Hope ur family is alright'.

Oh, and if you're really popular, you even have multiple R.I.P pages!!!

It kind of sickens me. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to make a page like that for me if I died. It's completely inappropriate, and just seems, I don't know, insensitive? Is it because it's easier to log onto facebook than it is to lodge a notice with the Herald Sun? (I'm being judgemental: the demographic of people who create these pages surely don't read The Age). I don't really have an argument as for why these pages are inappropriate - there's LOTS of inappropriate pages on Facebook - but the people who create these pages seem to have forgotten that once something's on the Internet, it stays there. Forever. Another girl I'm friends on Facebook with updated her status on with 'R.I.P ___' (it was her mother) and I although I wouldn't do this myself, I wasn't offended by it. I guess it's a quick way of telling everyone you know without having to go through the pain of telling sort of friends/acquaintances that someone close to you died. So that's ok by me, except of course a number of people (family members, close friends of the person who has passed etc) would of course be told in person or at least via phone.

But people even liked this status update!!! And wrote 'omg what happened' and expected the girl to answer, over Facebook! If one of my close friend's relatives died, I would send them a text-message & then a card. Flowers & visits etc depending on how close the friend was etc. I wouldn't send them a Facebook message! If a close relative of mine died I imagine I would be so distraught I would do nothing but lie in bed listening to my iPod all day (then again I'm fairly addicted to social networking websites so I probably shouldn't speak so soon).

All that being said, I wouldn't mind if someone changed my status to 'is dead'...but given that I don't leave myself logged onto facebook anywhere, even on my personal laptop, I doubt that would happen. Actually, Facebook needs to create something for when someone DOES die on Facebook, so that their Facebook page can be deleted if/when no-one has access to their password and such. Surely it must cause pain for some people, just seeing it there.

Anyone want to write an email to Mark Zuckerberg for me? I've exhausted my complaints email abilities enough for one day :(

Good things and bad things, again.

***One of those posts where it's really just a list because I haven't got anything to write about but feel I've been neglecting the blog.

Good things:

- I finally learned how to take Screen Shots!!!! This is big news. I've only spent like two years wondering how to do this. Turns out, the snipping tool is shit and doesn't work, so the print screen button + Function is the way to go.

- MF Doom. Hell yes.

- Gabrielle on Secret Life of Us: "I think was a little bit hungover when She created men"

- Secret Life of Us making me feel nostaglic for the songs I used to love back in the day - I'm up to Season 3 at the moment, and there's this scene where the girls (Gab, George, Kel and Chloe) dance at Fu bar to Paul Mac - Just The Thing. It's such a perfect scene/song.



- Online deliveries

- New clothes = feeling HOT.

- Murphy got a haircut! My baby (my dog) has lost perhaps half his body weight in the process, but OMG he's so adorable...

Bad things:

- The fact that I relate to this post on thoughtcatalog so much. It's not cool to like thoughtcatalog (at least, it's not cool on tumblr) but every so often there's a really cool post I really like. The guy who wrote this is a genuis and, by the sounds of it, has also lost the battle against Internet addiction.

- WAITING. Hello Monash, I still exist...

- Going up 1.5 pant sizes and feeling like a failure. NO MORE MUFFINS. Cry. Whinge. Find car keys. Go buy cupcakes instead.

- Having two social outings on one night and not being able to choose.

- Pepper in food.

- My room was clean for about a week and I felt organised and motivated. That week has passed.

- Mum commenting on my facebook posts, and then everyone else being too scared to comment so they send me text messages instead (Hi Mum!!!)

thoughts on the train

As soon as I've left the house I'm automatically feeling like a wannabe hipster. Vintage floral dress - tick (but it's from the Vero Moda range off asos), denim jacket - tick (I rarely leave the house with this jacket & I've had it since I was 14), brown boots - tick, naturally (crazy, with horrible growing-out-phase highlights) wavy hair - tick. All with the exception of my Chloe sunglasses, Olivia Palermo style. I'd almost take a photo except that I don't know how to use the self-timer on my digital (read: not old-fashioned and funky) camera and I feel a bit myspace taking photo's of myself. (For the record, I ran into two fashion-forward lovelies from my work on my way home who approved of my outfit.)

Also, I am listening to CocoRosie (on the Sandringham line!) (note to dear loyal friends who read this: CocoRosie fits into the 'freak folk' genre) and I haven't been on Facebook for two hours, so clearly I am winning at life. My hair is even more of a mess due to the wind, but I score extra points because I walked the whole 1.5k's to the train station instead of driving. I've shoved a green bag in my handbag for shopping, but I forgot my keepcup. I am wearing anklet socks under my boots (you can't see them), but I am wondering, is this 'the thing' to do? I am unsure. But I can't possibly just have bare feet underneath my boots. Too uncomfortable.

six hours later: Fuck I forgot about school times. Bloody children on the train. Spent a shitload of money on clothes I could probably live without, but thank god for having new jeans that will actually fit me! One does not need four pairs, but oh well. I deserve it. Yes to bargain cord shorts that have actually got me excited for spring. FUCK YES for new Stereolab & Grizzly Bear - Friend EP. Oh and another Murakami book that I probably won't get around to reading for two years or so. Yes for cheap takeaway coffee in Degraves street. Man I've missed the city :)

Dot-pointed life update

1. Yesterday I went out for breakfast to Sugo with my parents, my sister, her partner & their two girls - aged 6 and 4 (?). Perfect blond children. The cafe/restaurant was warm, my food was cold, the coffee was nice. My mother bought along some colouring books to entertain the girls, except the girls have an iPad so this wasn't necessary. Cannot get over the fact that a six-year old knows how to use an iPad and I don't.

2. This morning I went to a yoga class. I tried a little bit harder this time, but I'm very disenchanted with the fact that the class is mostly full of middle aged-women who are sooo much better at yoga than me.

3. After a conversation with friends on a (civilised, sober) Saturday night, I felt a little bit better about my facebook addiction & realised that I'm avoiding writing job applications/getting a 'real' job. It was an epiphany moment. I feel too young to have a real job, and I "should" travel but I'm too scared. At least we all could relate so at least I'm not alone. Says my law-student friend: "All I wanna do is watch Boston Legal and eat cake."

4. Making playlists for my mother to put on her iPod is hard work. Ever since she discovered I posses music by the Beatles & really liked the sound of Kings of Convenience I've been meaning to put some stuff on her computer for her. It's the least I can do, she is my mother. So far there's lots of Kings of Convenience/Whitest Boy Alive, downtempo stuff, Nightmares on Wax & Fat-Freddy's Drop, my collection of the Bamboos (my mother is obsessed with them), and I added D'Angelo just because I can.

5. Am really not enjoying Social Policy and it's only Week 1. Always at the start of semester that I romantise university & have dreams about doing essays past midnight in my dressing gown & ugg boots with never-ending cups of herbal tea. In this dream my room is spotlessly clean and the only windows open on my computer are Microsoft Word and fifteen Adobe Acrobat journal articles. Even though it's my tenth semester at uni, this has still yet to happen. What bothers me about Social Policy is that the reading so far is very theoretically, way over my head, and very depressing. I like case studies and memoirs and inspirational lecturer/s, not theoretical bullshit that I a) can't absorb and b) seems irrelevant to current times? I think i like the idea of studying social policy more than I actually like the (core) subject.

Confessing my love for Offspring

So there's this television show called Offspring on Channel 10 at the moment that pretty much everyone I know watches. It has consistently achieved top-ten ratings every week since it begun & my family & I have been watching it every week, recording the episodes on tIvo when we weren't home or were worried we'd fall asleep. I probably shouldn't admit here that I like such 'mainstream' television/a show that isn't HBO (!) but I do love Offspring. I liked it from the first ever episode, where Nina has trouble reverse parking & she ended up hitting a car (I'm sketchy with the details)...I was like, yup, I can relate to being absolutely bloody hopeless with reverse parking, I'm going to like this show!

I mean, you could be satisfied enough watching it solely for Dr. Chris (Don Hany), Patrick (hello!!!!) or the guy that used to play Jack in Neighbours. This has led to much debate regarding the whole Nina/Chris Havel/Patrick triangle; in the first season we were all in LOVE with Chris Havel, but now, well, Patrick is sooo much more gorgeous and Chris missed his chance and now he's come back and his hair is all wrong. One friend & I were sending numerous text-messages on the topic last week..."I want Patrick to kiss me like that"..."I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Nina for this betrayal"...and even "lol I'm in my trackies and ugg boots. Dreaming that he will love me however I look..Patrick loves me for me lol lol lolz"...oh and "that black suit and jacket is the sexiest thing a man has ever worn" (please note the text-message extracts are ones my friend sent me, so I can't take credit for their total-hilarz content)


It's worth watching for Asher Keddie & Kat Stewart's acting & Eddie Perfect's hilarious song compositions. However, I was informed the other day that both Nina (Asher Keddie) and Bille's wardrobes on the show were gaining lots of admirers. (The Nina Proudman fashion page on facebook has 4000+ followers at the time of typing) My mother seems to have the impression that I am totally in awe of Nina's wardrobe. My mother is in her 50s & despite being quite well-dressed for her age (I know she reads this, so I'm being nice but honest too), Nina's outfits are perhaps a little 'busy' for her taste. Me: I like colours, patterns, scarves...not so big on accessories but otherwise, yes, I do like Nina's wardrobe with the exception of jeans at a hospital. Also, I've noticed that Nina & I both tend to wear our denim jackets alot.

It should be no surprise then, that when (again with the assistance of my mother, being on holidays means we spend WAY too much time together) we were doing the wardrobe clean-out/Mum discovers all the hidden new clothes on my floordrobe and chairdrobe with the tags still on, we found ourselves labelling items of clothing to be 'Nina outfits' or 'Billie outfits.' Hahaha. And when I went out last night, I said to dear Mother "I'm wearing a really Nina outfit because I can't do up my jeans"...FUCK I LOVE OFFSPRING.

Meet my boyfriend, Murphy the dog!

Murphy came into my life the summer of 2003. Gradually I nursed him from 'baby Murphy' to 'Murphy' (Mum keeps telling me he was never a baby, he was a puppy - I tend to disagree). Despite the fact that he thinks he's a human & seems to think I'm his friend, not his owner/boss, I couldn't be happier with our relationship.

Apparently, dogs are like their human owners. My seven-year old Maltese poodle Murphy and I are similar in the following ways:

- We were both born in the first week of October

- we both like to be lazy and waste an afternoon sitting on the ducted heater

- We both probably have COPD (Chronic, Obstructive, Pulmonary, Disorder)…it’s a lung/bronchitis thing. Murphy baby has been coughing all the time & now has to wear a harness on his walks so he doesn’t choke himself when he runs ahead.

- We’re both scared of big dogs

- We’re both neurotic & obsessive & like to know where everyone is at any given time

…MY DOG IS THE LOVE OF MY LYF, Y’ALL

Holidays are so damn boring.

I swear, every hour I think to myself "God I'm bored."
I've been on unexpected holidays for two weeks so far - don't get me wrong, I dream of holidays generally just having more time to do things I've been meaning to do for years, however, all I have achieved thus far is:

- Importing 442 new songs into iTunes
- Backing up my 75+ gigabytes of music
- Online shopping: the Daria box set for $45, two new dresses last night...
- Sorted through all my university piles, chucked out about a folders worth
- Cleaned out the underwear & accessory draws
- Avoided cleaning out my shoes, bags and any other clother sections of my wardrobe
- Made more mess on the floordrobe
- Went out to a gig during the week!
- Taken advantage of having the house to myself & blasted a number of cds downstairs
- Got back into exercise, some days even power-walking 7.5kilometres! Attended two yoga classes. Deliberately slept in to avoid Body Pump classes.
- Nearly finished Season 2 of "the secret life of us"
- Had two weekends with lots of drinking, eating & fun times
- Then again I'm writing this blog post at 7:30am Sunday morning so obviously I've had a quiet one last night
- Saw the final Harry Potter movie!
- A number of coffee dates with friends :)
- Found plenty of new music to become in love with
- Finished maybe three books? But they were only 250 page books. Which doesn't help my hoarding 'issue' at all because I have also purchased two new books in this time.
- Become addicted to tumblr/the internet.

in short (oh the irony), I've done a lot of things that aren't very productive.

Why is it that everyone looks forward to their holidays, and yet the majority of my friends spend substantial time on facebook complaining about how bored they are, how much their parents are annoying them and how much they wanna move out? The holidays inevitably mean chores > BORING! Also, most Gen-Y kids (adults?) living at home like myself have no excuse not to participate in domestic duties like doing your own ironing, washing your work shirt, the dog poo, doing the dishes and making gravy for the weekly roast. Usually I do some of things anyway, but recently I have to stop myself saying "I don't have time". Ugh. My mother will love this post.

What can I say? I'm BORED. Actually, I need to do my homework. The Sunday paper will be here now so I have something to do. It's too cold and foggy to go for a walk just yet. I think I only posted this so I could feel accomplished and say I've posted in this blog today. Ugh. FML, seriously.

How to be the perfect Woolworths customer:

1. Bring your own pen. Do not, under any circumstances, expect that a checkout-chick will have a pen that actually works. Better yet, start living in the 21st century & get a pin for your credit card. As long as our eftpos machine is up & running (or there's no 'pin error' or 'system busy' message) this is the easiest method of payment.

2. Ask the checkout chick (or boy) "How are you?" Sometimes we forget. It's rude and lazy of us, yes, but very rarely do we deliberately not ask "how are you?" (only when it's a regular customer who we know is incapable of stopping talking & therefore holding up the queue). If you engage us, we'll be nicer to you. Or at least fake a smile. The same applies to "have a nice day"

3. Take your coat hangers off. Obviously this only applies when you are purchasing clothing. There is nothing worse than a customer that rocks up with a trolley full of discounted kid's clothes (that we have to enter manually, FML but that's another story), all with hangers on (especially two-sets or underwear, no we're not embarrassed it's just so fucking fiddley), and yet has absolutely zero comprehension for how long it will take to get the hangers off. These customers are too busy playing words-with-friends on their iPhones to notice how long it's taken. FUCK YOU!!!

4. Wear deodorant. This is pretty self-explanatory. A shopping centre is packed enough & with Westfield & department store cost-cutting, often in summer air conditioners are left off. This means that the smell is FUCKING PUTRID. Do us a favour and at least smell okay, or not smell. Thanks, much appreciated.

5. Wash your hands. Another downfall of being a check-out chick is how disgusting and dirty you feel after a shift. One's hands have touched possibly hundreds of other sets of hands; hands that have just eaten greasy Macdonalds, hands come straight from work at the mechanics with oil all over them, hands that have just wiped nappies, hands that have just felt up body parts in the privacy of Big W photo lab...WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS. And we haven't even discussed money-handling & where the cash has really come from. Checkout chicks get sick and die from exposure to this shit. Be responsible!

6. Don't have a tantrum when we've run out of plastic bags. Honestly, you have the entire bottom of your pram to put your nappies, whaddya need a plastic bag for? GREEN BAGS WERE INVENTED FOR A REASON. I've spent too much time already complaining about plastic bag use on this blog...

7. It is not cute when your "unexpected item in the bagging area" is your 30kg child. It's just annoying. If you have primary school aged children, DO NOT go through self-serve.

8. Pack your own bags. Don't suck up and smile to us, then walk five metres away and re-pack your entire bag.

9. Offer for us to expect your backpack/suitcase. I'm always astounded by the amount of shit people seem to think is necessary to carry around with them in a shopping centre. Often you customers can look quite sketchy (and I know it's bad to judge, but) and we're a bit shy too ask you to let us look inside your bag, so we probably decide that we can't be fucked/are terrified of you pulling out a knife or something. It makes our job so much easier if you offer.

10. Don't threaten to kill us!!! This has actually happened. If we don't let you return something, move on. Pick on someone your own size. Ring up Head Office if it makes you feel better (i.e, scream at a telephone, not a person). Don't question my authority because I'm a female. You realise you've just embarassed yourself in the company of hundreds of people? And we might win a $20 voucher from a store manager from having to deal with you? Ugh.

Enough said.

a few things i have learned:

1. In my last post I referred to the fact that not having easy access to a mirror in my handbag was a problem. Today, I realised that the bathrooms at my fieldwork agency don't have mirrors. I have two really bad blind pimples at the moment and I was actually DYING all because I couldn't re-apply concealer or squeeze. When I finished work & got into my car, wow, I spent like ten minutes being vain and squeezing pimples. I'm totes glamorous.

2. I'm really bad at explaining anything.

3. I'm exceptionally incompetent at using parking money machines. As in, the boom gate ones you have to put money in before you leave. Having to reverse because I mis-aimed the machine/required length of my arm needed to reach down and place the money in, or even stepping out of the car (note to self: remember to switch handbrake from "drive" to "park" first) is really embarrassing when you're holding up five doctors in their BMW's behind you.

4. Don't eat sultanas and force other staff members who are unlucky enough to in the office at the same time to put up with the smell of your subsequent flatulence.

5. The incompetence of drivers on Glenhuntly Road is PHENOMENAL. It is NOT acceptable to (repetitively) perform three-point turns into peak-hour traffic, people!!!

i'm bored.

A mix I made for a friend and subsequently learnt how to use megaupload for:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=KF72UHS9 (copy the link into browser, follow the link, download)

for all of my good friends who read this and are bored.

just another saturday night at home on my computer :)

Fun facts of my week; or basically just my observations on the Sandringham line train/landmarks around Prahan station and Greville street.

1. The American hip hop/"indie" band Why have an album called Alopecia. BUT I was reading an article the other day, I think it was in Vogue at the x-ray place or something, and Alopecia is also the name for a medical condition relating to loss of hair or baldness. I wonder if Why knew this? I'm sure they did. I don't get it.

2. The same people get the same train every single weekday for YEARS. It didn't quite hit me until one day this week when I got the train to work placement. I haven't got the train in peak hour for about two years yet I recognized everyone except the school kids. Wow.

3. Also on the train, WHAT IS WITH this trend of rolling down knee-high socks? I mean, it was fucking five degrees. We used to hitch the skirts up, but we were at least sensible enough to wear tights. These teenage girls were wearing school shirts with pink bra's underneath (no jumper, wtf?), eating tee-vee snacks, with bare legs. At 7:45am in the morning. OMFG.

4. It's really really snobby, but I really got off on the fact that I'm 99% sure I was the only person on this train to be listening to Bibio, or follow Flashlight Tag on tumblr.

5. Getting the train has made me realise my reliance on the mirror in my car. The driver's side flap with mirror has become a necessity for touching up my concealer at red lights. I can't believe I've turned into one of 'those' people. I need to invest in a compact mirror for my handbag.

6. My morning trip on public transport to work placement meant I a) had no-one idea where I had to walk (Prahan station: label your fucking streets) and b) hence arrived forty minutes early. I decided to go for a mini-walk around the block, which meant all around Wesley college & the Victorian College of the Deaf before reaching what I think was St.Kilda road/street. Wesley college security staff kept looking at me funny, clearly I wasnt a sibling or a parent, but perhaps they were too embarrassed to ask me if I was lost. Probably blasting CL Sosa didn't work in my favour. However, WHY was this (see photo below) advertising car parked in the driveway of Victorian College for the Deaf?



OH YES, LET'S "IGNITE THE SPARK"

7. Anyway I actually have an excuse have an for being home on a Saturday night because I went to the doctor on Thursday night and apparently I have bronchitis. I took a day off yesterday to have a blood test and an x-ray and sleep and sit in bed and watch the Secret Life of Us. Boo!!! But, as I sent in a text-message to someone this morning, I LOVE DRUGS (calm down, I was referring to anti-histamines, even though according to my mother they haven't been working because I insist on cutting them up and they're supposed to be swallowed whole, but I can't swallow tablets). Oh well. They might be placebos anyway, ITS PSYCHOLOGICAL PEEPS

Secret Life, shower, read & blast with my new in-ear earphones that keep falling out of my ears, sleep. NA NIGHT xxxxxxxxxx

women of SOUL.

Last night I went to Women of Soul night at the Toff in Town. It's pretty much the only respectable but semi-alternative (not really, but for my house-music-nightclub loving friends, it is) place I'm game enough to take my friends.
Really enjoyed it! Oh, and our table of four enjoyed it too. Actually we probably gave the impression of being party poopers as we didn't drink (driving), didn't get up & salsa & didn't really move in general. HOWEVER One friend even bought a cd...so my reputation for 'weird music things Liz always wants to go to' has perhaps increased a little. I love: Lord of the Fries, being able to wear a coat and tights instead of a tiny dress & live music. I don't like: the cold!!! And being a p plater. Oh, and to the cute New Zealand guys who we striked up a conversation with at Flinders -apparently I'm weird because I don't have sauce on my beloved Lord of the Fries - you kids are cute, but you're not gonna impress girls by telling them you work as door-knockers for a gas company. Crowd: we were the youngest there? Possibly? Haha, actually my mother jokingly asked if she could come & I said no...in truth, lots of middle-aged people there? And they were WAY more lively than us. My comment: "I wish we were 20 years older so I wasn't too embarrassed to get up and dance." Oh, and I noticed that after she performed, Chelsea Wilson went and sat on (presumably) her grandfather's knee; aaaaawwww!

Otherwise I'm actually kinda too busy for the Internet right now because I've started my social work placement which means I have no time for ANYTHING. I'm enjoying it though...the downsides are: I'm bad at going five hours without food, and concentrating all day/not procrastinating/having no more than 30 minutes to procrastinate per working day. Soooo not used to this! I feel very much well looked-after though: I got a free taxi ride to & from my student seminar because 'na, we're not letting you get the tram, it's freezing...the hospital pays for it, so the government feels for it, don't feel bad'...WIN. Also, I sat in the front seat in said taxi...did I mention I got a maxi taxi all to myself on the way home? And I sat in front BOTH times? Wow I am cool. Although the maxi-taxi driver freaked me out cos' he was a) not Indian and b) too friendly. Not to be racist, but I love it when Indian people swear; sooooo funny!!! Note to taxi drivers: I don't wanna know how pissed off you are because you missed out on a $200 job, or how tired you are...I don't need you to pull out all your receipts for the day, know where you grew up, the intricate details of every customer you've had today, where you used to go to school...all this in fifteen minutes? Why do I have a knack for finding weirdos who proceed to tell me all their life stories? is it because I'm one of them?

ANYWAY I probs should get a move on with this assignment. I need to a) have a shower & b) relax. Feel sick, too much food, team meetings: excessive abundance of food. And because I'm the student I am 'shadowing' (following like a puppy dog) anyone who'll have me & hence sit in meetings. Since when did Kettle make grain-wave looking things? Am I that much of a food addict that I eat sour cream & chive-flavoured grain waves, which I don't even like?

I have written waay too much. It's too cold for study. I should clean up my desk/room/life first. I've been saying this for two years, ugh :(

Cat Power, whiteheads, clothes & apple strudel scones

I've found a new Cat Power song to be obsessed with.



Placement tomorrow! Buying new outfits because my current rotation of social-work esque skirts are mostly summery, and it's absolutely fucking freezing yet I can't wear jeans/(don't fit in to them anyway) and I'm unsure of the length of a few of my other skirts. Now I've left today's purchase - a winter dress that I'm planning on wearing - in the boot of my car (everything stays in the boot of my car, especially when I've been binge spending...I drag it out of the boot sporadically). Which is great, because I had to park further down the street and now it's raining. Fantastic.

Still coughing! Can't pretend I'm not enjoying being sick/staying up & watching the Secret Life of Us/blasting my iPod. Last night: in bed by 10:30, blasting Jaylib in my underwear, sending messages. Actually was extremely social, and all from the comfort of my bedroom. I wish about 20% of my facebook friend's list would stop complaining about their equity exam though. I mean, they all CHOSE to do law.

On the facebook front, I've made a new rule for myself: I'm only allowed on facebook once a day, for a MAXIMUM of 30 minutes. Depending on how much I've missed out on. I'm being really good, I have to mentally stop myself from automatically typing in facebook when I open Internet Explorer...but it's working. And I'm no longer bored enough to read the comments of every facebook status of people I went to primary/high school with that I wouldn't even say "Hi" to down the street. It's a new lease on life. Perhaps it's bad that I'm finding a tv showed based around made-up characters more entertaining than real-life stories...but meh. I'm learning how to be productive. Sorta. I'm spending too much time on lastfm and tumblr instead, but don't tell anyone.

Next up: almost freedom! I'm 650 words away from having a life - after hours, anyway. I'm going out 3, possibly 4, not including Saturday nights this week...how the fuck do I finish my essay? I was kinda planning on watching tv tonight...the downer is that I have this MASSIVE pimple (?)/whitehead on my lip. It needs to pop. I can't not pop it. It might be a coldsore. I have never had a coldsore/pimple/whitehead on my lip on this part of my face in all my almost 23 years. I am so self-conscious. This is so unfair. It has basically ruined my week.

Oh, and in addition to a new Cat Power song to fall in love with I've found a new food to fall in love with. Friends/my mother who read this: apple & walnut scrolls from baker's delight (with icing, NOT icing sugar) will always be number one but Baker's have started making apple strudel scones and these are bloody amazing. Wow.

Anyway, shower, dinner, assignment (?), Secret Life of Us, private iPod party, sleep. na night & good luck to all my friends reading this who NEED TO GET THE FUCK OFF FACEBOOK AND STUDY FOR THEIR EXAMS!!! (Guys, I can track how many page views I get...it's gone up...)

things that are on my mind

1. On a bit of a mix-tape phase.

Me: You realise my definition of 'alternative' is like, really weird stuff, and not, like, Karnivool?

Friend from work: That's okay, I might learn something

(fuck yeah this has actually never happened before, jk lolz haha)

2. My facebook status this morning:

Am I going to get in trouble from the government because I swear (a fair bit) in my blog? Shit

3. At the dentist this morning. Dentist & his assistant are poking three silver stick-things in my mouth:

Dentist: "So I'm trying to turn what is actually quite a mundane activity into quite an exciting activity"
Assistant: right...
Me: (thumbs up)!!!!

(then proceed to cough all over dentist & the assistant)

4. In other news, I can't decide whether I love Chan Marshall or Lauryn Hill more.

5. Evan from the Secret Life of Us is so much like Sid from Skins. It's like, Sid grows up to become Evan.

Oh, only 1025 words till I'm DONE with semester one!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck yeah music nerds is actually the story of my life

this tumblr account pretty much sums me up:





I couldn't help myself. In other news, I've been awake since 3am coughing & now it's nearly 9:45am & I don't have work till 6. I've already reached my word target on my essay! Before 10am! This is something which has actually never happened before. I'mma gonna go downstairs and blast cds while I have the house to myself and read The Age and books & then I'll go for a walk & watch the Secret Life of Us before I leave to go to work early so I can go shopping. Again. Woooooooo

oh yeah, and listen to this. It's soooooo good. This is why I never go back to sleep when I wake up too early.

I've had a brilliant day

by...

1. eating entire packets of (brown and multigrain) (!!!!!) rice biscuits

2. Browsing about 50 different tumblr blogs of Melbourne artists & downloading all the links they upload of their favourite songs.

3. Feeling inadequate because I suck at making links, I don't have a lastfm account (made one today! Wow, the things I do when I'm 'studying'), I'm not creative, my hair isn't long, my roots are gonna take absolutley fucking ages to grow out, I don't know enough cool music, I will never have the time to listen to everything I've downloaded anyway, I don't live in Collingwood/am waaay too comfortable with living off my parents, will never have enough willpower to turn down processed food, have already used up my credit card limit so can't download anything new off bandcamp, am too lazy to browse through 55,000 new clothes on etsy...oh well. I do, at least, have a keepcup for when I buy take-away coffee?

4. Spending 45 minutes trying to open the packaging for my new Megastick Fanfare cd that came in the mail - until I found the scissors (fail)

5. Restarting my computer fifteen billion times & re-naming my essays to: 'SWM5421: Assignment 2 (Autosaved)'

6. Listening to my old Aloha cd.

7. Actually going for a walk! And not being waaaay too cold in 3/4 leggings.

8. Wearing my tracksuit pants the wrong-way-round, and not realising for three hours.

9. Yelling at my Dad - he dared to eat the last Berry Bliss flavoured yoghurt!!! I am extremely pissed off. I swear to GOD it was the last Ski D'Light Berry Bliss flavoured yoghurt in the whole of Melbourne. I forced myself to have the strawberry last night because I wanted to save the Berry for tonight (best till last, you know), and now its GONE. Devastated. Dad thought his was hilarious :(

10. If you haven't guessed, avoiding my assignment. Ignorance can be bliss.