1. Bring your own pen. Do not, under any circumstances, expect that a checkout-chick will have a pen that actually works. Better yet, start living in the 21st century & get a pin for your credit card. As long as our eftpos machine is up & running (or there's no 'pin error' or 'system busy' message) this is the easiest method of payment.
2. Ask the checkout chick (or boy) "How are you?" Sometimes we forget. It's rude and lazy of us, yes, but very rarely do we deliberately not ask "how are you?" (only when it's a regular customer who we know is incapable of stopping talking & therefore holding up the queue). If you engage us, we'll be nicer to you. Or at least fake a smile. The same applies to "have a nice day"
3. Take your coat hangers off. Obviously this only applies when you are purchasing clothing. There is nothing worse than a customer that rocks up with a trolley full of discounted kid's clothes (that we have to enter manually, FML but that's another story), all with hangers on (especially two-sets or underwear, no we're not embarrassed it's just so fucking fiddley), and yet has absolutely zero comprehension for how long it will take to get the hangers off. These customers are too busy playing words-with-friends on their iPhones to notice how long it's taken. FUCK YOU!!!
4. Wear deodorant. This is pretty self-explanatory. A shopping centre is packed enough & with Westfield & department store cost-cutting, often in summer air conditioners are left off. This means that the smell is FUCKING PUTRID. Do us a favour and at least smell okay, or not smell. Thanks, much appreciated.
5. Wash your hands. Another downfall of being a check-out chick is how disgusting and dirty you feel after a shift. One's hands have touched possibly hundreds of other sets of hands; hands that have just eaten greasy Macdonalds, hands come straight from work at the mechanics with oil all over them, hands that have just wiped nappies, hands that have just felt up body parts in the privacy of Big W photo lab...WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS. And we haven't even discussed money-handling & where the cash has really come from. Checkout chicks get sick and die from exposure to this shit. Be responsible!
6. Don't have a tantrum when we've run out of plastic bags. Honestly, you have the entire bottom of your pram to put your nappies, whaddya need a plastic bag for? GREEN BAGS WERE INVENTED FOR A REASON. I've spent too much time already complaining about plastic bag use on this blog...
7. It is not cute when your "unexpected item in the bagging area" is your 30kg child. It's just annoying. If you have primary school aged children, DO NOT go through self-serve.
8. Pack your own bags. Don't suck up and smile to us, then walk five metres away and re-pack your entire bag.
9. Offer for us to expect your backpack/suitcase. I'm always astounded by the amount of shit people seem to think is necessary to carry around with them in a shopping centre. Often you customers can look quite sketchy (and I know it's bad to judge, but) and we're a bit shy too ask you to let us look inside your bag, so we probably decide that we can't be fucked/are terrified of you pulling out a knife or something. It makes our job so much easier if you offer.
10. Don't threaten to kill us!!! This has actually happened. If we don't let you return something, move on. Pick on someone your own size. Ring up Head Office if it makes you feel better (i.e, scream at a telephone, not a person). Don't question my authority because I'm a female. You realise you've just embarassed yourself in the company of hundreds of people? And we might win a $20 voucher from a store manager from having to deal with you? Ugh.
Enough said.
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